Who is really to blame for this codependent/alcoholic relationship anyway? Of course it is the alcoholic – right? Really, if it wasn’t for the substance abuse, life would be great! Would it really? Or would you find a way to sabotage the relationship because you just aren’t ready to deal with your own emotions?
Are you a victim? After all you do for your significant other, and how dare they treat you this way. They just wad up your heart and toss it out with yesterday’s news. Yes, you are the ultimate victim and it is all the alcoholic’s fault – right?
Hope is all around you. You can find it in nature, in a child’s laugh, a visit with a friend. Hope is sustaining, it helps to get you through another day. Sometimes it feels like you are clinging to hope like a lifeboat, adrift in a sea of guilt and despair.
Living with an alcoholic is frustrating. You can feel very alone and abandoned. Where can you turn? You need somewhere to go where you will be understood – where others have felt your pain. Al-Anon is that place.
Family members think they are doing the right thing when they play the roles in an alcoholic family. They cannot see that what the are really doing is enabling the alcoholic to continue with his current behavior. So, while the family thinks they are helping, they are really hurting the situation.
Alcoholic families have interesting dynamics – everyone has a role. Just like parts in a play, they act out their roles and revolve around the central character like he is the most important being on the earth. No wonder the alcoholic treats everyone like his personal servants – that is what they have become.
Alcoholism has been called the ‘Family Disease’ because it affects everyone in the family to some extent. In many families, all the members have become enablers. By refusing to admit there is a problem in their family, they are all allowing the destructive behavior to continue.
Just like Alcoholics Anonymous has helped millions of alcoholics, Al-Anon is there for the family. The spouse who is struggling with codependency will find hope and healing at Al-Anon.
People who are codependent have a belief system that is linked to how they relate to someone else. Usually that someone else is an alcoholic or drug addict. Codependents identify their life and well being to how things are going for the alcoholic. They believe that what they are doing is what is best. But doing what they think is best for the alcoholic/addict, could destroy themselves.
This is a tough question – Do you fear the recovery of your addict? Of course you want the alcoholic/addict in your life to get better. Life would be better if they were in recovery – right? But wait, how does recover affect me? Who will I take care of? How will their recovery change my identity? Think hard and answer the question again – do you fear the recovery of your addict?
