Twelve-step program

I Am Not The Problem

Who is really to blame for this codependent/alcoholic relationship anyway? Of course it is the alcoholic – right? Really, if it wasn’t for the substance abuse, life would be great! Would it really? Or would you find a way to sabotage the relationship because you just aren’t ready to deal with your own emotions?

Codependents have a fear – it may be a subconscious fear, of the alcoholics recovery. Their lives are defined by the alcoholic and his behavior. If that changes – what else will change? So, unknowingly they may continue to enable the alcoholic to prevent recovery and change.

Most people who have a significant other who is in the claws of addiction or alcoholism will tell you that they will do anything to have the person find sobriety. But they are lying, even though they don’t realize it. They just don’t know how to deal with anything else but addiction. It defines the codependent as much as it does the alcoholic.

That is why it is so important for codependent people to seek out their own healing and solve their own problems. Just like the Twelve Steps can help alcoholics, they can help us overcome our codependent beliefs. Look inside yourself. What is preventing you from being more assertive, holding your ground, standing up for what you want? Is it fear of rejection, change, abandonment?

Fear itself can be a good motivator. We all have a fear of the unknown, but as we learn about it we can conquer it. Books on codependency, support groups, and counseling can help you identify the areas you need to work on to break free from codependency.

There is the hope that as you recover, your alcoholic will recover as well. It has happened, I have seen it. But I have also seen many more that have not. An alcoholic needs to make the choice to change – it cannot be made for them. Alcoholics rarely consider change until it is the only option.

You can choose to continue to enable the alcoholic in your life, or you can love them enough to let go. Allow them to experience every part of their addiction. Allow them to see the chaos they have created around them.

But for now, you can heal. You can begin a new life – free of codependency.

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Al-Anon: A Place of Comfort

Living with an alcoholic is frustrating. You can feel very alone and abandoned.  Where can you turn? You need somewhere to go where you will be understood – where others have felt your pain.  Al-Anon is that place.

Members of Al-Anon have or are currently living the life you are.  They understand the fear, shame, and anxiety you feel.  They have been through all the stages – the fear, guilt, anger, etc.  They too have felt like a victim.

But Al-Anon offers comfort to those who come to the meetings.  By working the 12 steps you will learn to look within yourself to find healing.  Learn to overcome your codependent beliefs and learn to love yourself.

Just like in Alcoholics Anonymous, you will get a sponsor.  Someone you can call anytime you find yourself needing someone to talk to.  Al-Anon is people helping people at it’s finest.  Once you learn to overcome using the 12 steps, you want to help others.  You are obligated to help others – that is one of the steps, to help others along the way.

Al-Anon is about learning about yourself and how to change the way you react to what is going on in your life.  It is not a place to complain about the alcoholic/addict in your life – it is a place to rediscover you.  In a alcoholic relationship, healing begins with you.

Through Al-Anon you will realize that you are powerless over alcohol (and the alcoholic). You cannot make their choices for them, but you can choose how you react.  You will learn the tools you need to handle situations and you will become stronger.  Your life will take on new meaning and you will see the beauty around you once again.

For many people, going to Al-Anon is the first step to recovery of the alcoholic/addict in their life.  I will not promise that they will recover, but seeing you in a better place can have a positive effect.  Let Al-Anon become your place of comfort.

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Al-Anon – A Place of Hope

Just like Alcoholics Anonymous has helped millions of alcoholics, Al-Anon is there for the family. The spouse who is struggling with codependency will find hope and healing at Al-Anon.

Going to Al-Anon for the first time might seem a little strange if you don’t know what to expect. Al-Anon is not a gripe session – it is a healing session. You are not there to vent about the alcoholic you live with, you are there to begin healing. At an Al-Anon meeting you will find others that share your frustrations and trials, because they have lived them too. Maybe not your exact story, but one that is very similar.

Members of Al-Anon share their experiences and their hope. You will find members who have found happiness in spite of the alcoholism in their life – even if the loved one is still drinking. These members recognize the value of support and are there to help those who still struggle.

Al-Anon is a place for hope and healing for people struggling with codependency. You will not be judged – you will be accepted. You will not be blamed – you will be supported. You can find local meetings by searching for Al-Anon on the internet.

Like Alcoholics Anonymous, Al-Anon is based upon the Twelve Steps. Working through the Twelve Steps can help you see areas of your life that can be improved. You will also learn to separate yourself from alcohol by admitting that you are powerless over alcohol.

You are powerless over alcohol! You are not the one making the choice to drink. It is not your choice to make, the alcoholic is responsible for his or her’s own actions. You will come so far to overcoming codependency if you will admit that you are powerless over the alcoholics actions – and then really believe it!

Al-Anon is a wonderful organization that is helping millions of people all over the world. No matter where you travel, you will likely find an Al-Anon meeting you can attend. Al-Anon can and will help you overcome codependency!

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