Relationship

Clingy Girlfriend Or Wife? 13 Signs of an Unhealthy Or Codependent Relationship

The image of the demanding woman being in control of the relationship is one that is popular and sometimes even comical in TV in film.  Just look at the popular American sitcom Everyone Loves Raymond: Raymond is always at risk of getting into trouble with his wife.  However, sometimes being stuck in a relationship with a dramatic, demanding, clingy woman can be anything but funny.

The following signs indicate that you may be in an unhealthy codependent relationship with your partner:

  • You must let her know where you are at all times.
  • You have to call multiple times a day.
  • You aren’t allowed to have platonic female friends.
  • She resents your family for taking up your time.
  • You’ve discovered that she secretly checks your email, internet history, or social networking sites (Facebook, MySpace, etc.).
  • She is extremely jealous.
  • She can’t just let things go.
  • She insists on talking about “problems” for hours.
  • She always suspects you of cheating or doing something wrong, even if you’ve done nothing.
  • She’s overly critical of how you act You feel as if you have to “walk on eggshells” around her.
  • Your friends warn you that you should not be tolerating her clingy, controlling behavior.
  • You can’t speak your opinion because she always “freaks out” when you disagree.
  • When you try to break up, she threatens to harm herself.

When you feel stuck in such a relationship, you might have opposing feelings: On one hand you love your partner and want to please her; on the other hand, you may have a nagging sense that you never wanted this life.  You may feel that your partner stands in the way of you living a fulfilling life.

It’s your obligation to closely examine your situation.  Many people wish to leave their partners because they blame them for everything; when they finally leave, they realize that it wasn’t only their partner that was causing the disruption, but their own issues as well.

That said, many men would be much better off by gathering the courage to leave a clingy, demanding, codependent partner (by the way, codependence always involves two people, but here I’m using it to describe a woman who is overly dependent on her man).  Though leaving may seem impossible at times, you can do it, regardless of your circumstances.

 

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The Relationship Between Alcoholism and Genetics

The question “is alcoholism is genetic oriented” has not a definite answer. However there are some evidences that it could be. A genetic study shows that some clusters of genetic variation play an important role in alcohol addiction. Alcoholism and genetics related factors are discussed below:

It is shown that all individuals with a family history of alcoholism have some risk of developing the problem of alcoholism. Family history of alcoholism means that either or both the parents had alcoholic problems. Parental alcoholism will be a factor for children to become alcoholics. The risk increases when the child is a boy having novelty seeking personality and impulsive behavior.

A new research shows that alcoholism and genetics have some relationship. The researchers identified a new gene that may be responsible for excessive drinking habit. The scientists used micro array techniques to study the genes expression in the brain which prompts high or low consumption of alcohol. This study gives new room to deal with alcoholism disorders.

Family history of alcoholism seems to have biological dysfunction in individuals who develop stress even before they get into drinking problems while others develop such problems only after the drinking problem arises. Some other studies show that stress may lead to alcoholism. The relationship between stress and alcohol is however not yet clear. But it is found that stress increases the release of Beta endorphin and high doses of alcohol also increase the Beta endorphin. Therefore family history of alcoholism is risky and will exhibit the dysfunction of stress even before the individual develops drinking problems. Hence individuals with family history of alcoholism must try to cope up with stressful situations by some other ways and should try to avoid consuming alcohol.

The degree of genetic influences on alcoholism risk may be sex specific also. The studies show that males with family history of alcoholism have more chances to develop alcoholism than women. A research in more than 50 families shows that alcoholism runs in families. This study reveals that first degree relatives like parents, children and siblings of treated alcoholics have two or four times higher risk of developing alcoholism.

The scientists in Washington have observed that parental alcoholism and personality leads to higher risk of alcoholism in individuals. The novelty seeking personality trait and parental alcoholism will develop addiction to alcohol. If someone has thrill seeking impulsive behavior then they have chance of becoming alcoholics. The risk is double the time more if they have either or both the parent is alcoholics.

The desire for consuming alcoholic products may be due to environmental signals also. However the genetic factors also play an important role here. Adoption and twin studies show that alcoholic consumption is likely to be inherited from parents. As already stated, sex will also influence the genetic factors leading to alcoholism. The researchers identified that Chromosome 1 is the area related to alcohol consumption. Therefore it is confirmed that genetic factors will increase the risk of alcoholism, however the extent of genetic factor leading to alcoholism requires further studies.

 

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Codependent Relationship Stressing You Out? Do Something About It!

Codependent relationships are usually characterized by two roles. A needy person who depends on her partner too much, and a person who acts the care-taker, always comforting his partner at his own expense. In relationships, a common pattern is a clingy woman paired with a man who never asserts himself (though the roles can be reversed).

Codependent simply means that you depend too much on your partner emotionally. For her, this may mean that she relies on you for all her emotional needs, and “can’t live without you.” For him, it may mean he feels too responsible for her, always catering to her demands, and never asserting himself for fear of hurting her.

Are you a man feeling stuck in a codependent relationship? Maybe you wish she wasn’t so clingy — or maybe you want to leave the relationship entirely — but you “don’t want to hurt her,” as so many guys say about their clingy girlfriends.

If you find yourself in this situation, it’s because you didn’t assert yourself whenever she showed herself to be overly needy or demanding. In fact, you may have inadvertently encouraged her to behave like this. Now you may feel stuck in patters that don’t allow for the things you desperately need:

Some degree of independence Space to yourself Time to pursue friendships and hobbies outside the relationship

Have you ever felt that you are making major life choices based on her insecurities? Maybe she discourages you from taking a position that requires travel, or maybe she’s pressuring you to get engaged before you’re ready…

If you find yourself in this situation, you have to either:

a) Negotiate new terms for the relationship – terms that you find acceptable and don’t cause you persistent stress

or…

b) Plan to leave the relationship

Otherwise, the constant stress of remaining in a codependent relationship will take a toll on your mental and physical well-being, and you will live a life of regret.

If you feel trapped in an unhealthy or unsatisfying relationship,  breakup and get on with your life.

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For Men: 11 Signs You’re in a Codependent Relationship And How to Get Out

It’s often obvious that a needy, demanding woman who clings to a man has codependent tendencies.  However, a relationship consists of two people, and HE is no less responsible.  In fact, his behavior can also be labeled “codependent.”  Two people who have codependent tendencies may act in opposite ways: While one is needy and drains her partner, the other may have a enlarged sense of responsibility to his partner, and is overly sensitive to her needs and demands.

In fact, people with opposing codependent styles tend to attract each other.  These opposing psychological profiles have been termed “takers” and “caretakers.”

Codependent relationships are complicated, and they’re often characterized by manipulation, lack of boundaries, repressed emotions, emotional volatility, jealousy

issues, verbal abuse, etc.  Both partners tend to have complicated back-stories, which often serve to justify abnormal behavior.  If you’re a man feeling stuck in a codependent relationship, realize that your happiness is worth the effort it takes to move on.

First, take a look at this list, which identify just some of the signs to look for:

You feel that you’re responsible for her, and it’s your job to make her happy and solve her problems You suppress your emotions and avoid confrontation You have the sense of sacrificing the life you want so that you can be with her and take care of her You feel trapped at times, and have the sense that you are planning an eventual escape You feel tremendous guilt at the thought of abandoning her She is extremely jealous and makes it difficult for you to interact with other females or have female friends She has an intense fear of rejection and abandonment She lives her life in way that depends on you for many of her needs, as opposed to being independent and having a variety of fulfilling relationships She has expressed that she wouldn’t be able to live her life if you betrayed or abandoned her She depends almost exclusively on you as her source of happiness and validation She dominates and manipulates you through her emotional response, which is often too extreme

These are just some of the signs that are easiest to spot from the man’s point of you view.  If you feel that you may be in a codependent relationship, or you feel as if you’re trapped and there’s no way out, most like.  Being in a codependent relationship makes for a stressful and unhappy lifestyle.  And yet, your avoidant tendencies may keep you from following through with a break up or separation.

You may be planning to break up for a long time, but you just keep holding off — many men wait years, or even a lifetime, remaining in such a relationship.  It’s important that you don’t dwell on planning, and you take certain actions, fast.  If you feel ready to begin the separation process, DO NOT hesitate: The longer you wait, and the more time you both invest, the more difficult it becomes.

You may want to consider getting the help of a counselor.  Be sure that the counselor doesn’t assume that you want to maintain the relationship if you’re choosing to move on; many counselors operate from the assumption that the relationship should be “fixed.”

Finally, many men are in dire need of a map that:

1) Identifies what is dysfunctional in your relationship

2) Affirms your right to leave an unhappy relationship

3) Guides you through the break up in a way that minimizes pain and hardship for you both

More Codependent Relationships Articles

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Stuck in a Codependent Relationship With a Needy, Controlling, Or Emotionally Volatile Woman?

What is codependency?

I’ve known numerous men who have been in relationships with clingy, needy, overly-emotional, jealous, and controlling women.  These men are frustrated with what they perceive as their girlfriend’s flaws.  They often don’t realize that their own behavior is contributing to the unhealthy relationship and allowing it to persist.

These men are often stuck in codependent relationships.  The term “codependent” is commonly used to refer to individuals who are overly reliant on their partners, using them as a crutch and not wanting to leave their side.  However, it can apply to any unhealthy emotional dependency.  When a man stays in a relationships with a clingy, jealous, critical partner, he feels dependent on her approval.

Any man with a high level of self-esteem and healthy attitude towards relationships would not tolerate such a relationship.  He’d either take action to stop the pattern, or simply leave.  Men who get stuck in a codependent relationship, on the other hand, end up pursuing an endless pattern of trying to please their partner, and feeling frustrated when their desire for freedom conflicts with their partners need for rigid conformity to her needy patterns of behavior.

All relationships should have plenty of mutual acceptance, space to be alone, time with friends (of both genders), and respect.  Often, codependent relationships are lacking these things.

There are two dynamics going on in such relationships:

1) Her issues (often revolving around low self-esteem) prompt her to be controlling, jealous and overly sensitive .

2) Your issues (often involving shame and the desire to please) prompt you to stay in an unhealthy relationship – despite the stress  and dissatisfaction — for fear of disappointing her.

Are you in a Codependent Relationship?

If you’re in a codependent relationship with a controlling or needy woman, you might find that the relationship is especially restrictive.  Some common traits of these relationships include:

You have to always let her know where you are When you’re out, you have to speak on the phone multiple times a day You are discouraged from keeping female friends She takes an active dislike of some of your friends and/or family, and feels offended that you would have them as part of your life She attempts to control your internet usage, or monitors your email and other online communications (Facebook, etc.) She shows excessive jealousy She has difficulty letting petty issues go, and instead insists that you both talk about them at length She mistrusts you and casts a suspicious eye, even if you’ve done nothing wrong She’s often critical of your behavior You find yourself often “walking on eggshells” around her Your friends tell you that you shouldn’t put up with her, but you feel the need to stay You can’t speak your mind because you’re too afraid of how she’ll react You’ve considered breaking up for a long time, but you don’t want to break her heart You feel that she may not be able to live without you, or you’ve tried to break up and she threatened drastic action (quitting her job, hurting herself, etc.)

These are just a few possible indicators of a codependent relationship, and by no means is an exhaustive list.

What’s Wrong with Codependent Relationships?

Relationships should be places of comfort and acceptance, and they should be avenues to expanding your horizons, not restricting them.  Relationships should add joy to one’s life, and though they often hit rough patches, a relationship shouldn’t be a constant burden.  Codependent relationships can be so stressful and restrictive that the men involved often reach a boiling point, blowing-up at their partner.  It’s like a release valve, and after the pressure dissipates a bit, they fall right back into the pattern.

It’s up to these men to determine whether they want to remain in that relationship or find their way to freedom.  If you see yourself described in this article, take hope — many men are stuck in similar situations, and there is a way out.

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