We’ve been together 4 years, have an almost 2 year old son, and have been married almost 3 months. I love him very much, he is one of the greatest guys I’ve ever met. However, he goes in these spurts where he will be drinking a lot and seem to completely not care about me at all. He’ll say mean things whens he’s drunk, which I know he doesn’t mean but it still hurts. He’s gone to rehab once last year, it helped…he was sober 73 days until a buddy of his passed away and through him right back into the drinking.
Since then he’s been drinking. Sometimes not much, sometimes way too much. He had a sober 3 weeks this last month and then wanted to go out to dinner (our son going to grandma’s for the night) and I knew that meant trouble…he’s going to drink. Well, sure enough he did…and I can’t lie…I had a couple beers myself, but I’m not the one with a drinking problem. I feel like our marriage is all of a sudden unimportant to him.
Even though he loves me and would do anything for my son and I, it’s making me very bitter. I feel like I’ve been told I won the lotto, then, “oh wait, there’s been a mistake. you didn’t win” kind of thing. I was SO happy when he quit drinking again, I thought something finally clicked and he was going to shape up. Then BAM right back to drinking full force. Now, he’s gone all the time and I’m alone with our 2 yr old son who’s constantly asking me, “daddy home soon?” and I have to be there when Daddy doesn’t show up to do things that were promised to our son. Sometimes I think I hate him, and other times I think…How lucky am I? Cuz he can be a wonderful person! And he is a good dad, until his recent broken promise.
I have realized throughout my life that me wanting somebody to change is not enough for them to change (my dad is also an alcoholic). He went to rehab, went to AA meetings, and has recently considered it again. I just can’t find the words of encouragement without them being my own selfish reasons…or without sounding like I”m begging him.
I just felt this would be a way to talk to women/men who deal with this on a day to day basis. I can’t go to al-anon because times are tough and sadly, the only person who does extra driving in our family is my husband when he goes out drinking.