Do You Have Emotional Dependency?

People who are codependent have a belief system that is linked to how they relate to someone else. Usually that someone else is an alcoholic or drug addict.  Codependents identify their life and well being to how things are going for the alcoholic.  They believe that what they are doing is what is best.  But doing what they think is best for the alcoholic/addict, could destroy themselves.

Here is a small list of behaviors/beliefs that define a codependent person.  There are so many behaviors that this  list could go on and on.  But look at it – can you see yourself in any of these behaviors?

• I feel good about myself when I am with or belong to someone
• I focus my attention on pleasing others
• ‘Helping’ others fix their problems boosts my self esteem
• If someone close to me is having struggles, it affects my peace of mind
• I am aware of how those around me feel, but I don’t know how I feel
• Relieving someone’s pain boosts my self esteem
• Getting approval from others makes me feel good
• I seldom give myself approval for doing a good job
• I fear rejection and it affects what I say or do
• I believe my hopes and dreams are linked to other people in my life
• Other people’s opinions are more important than mine
• I will put my values aside to gain approval
• My happiness is directly related to the happiness of those around me
• I focus on protecting others – both from their own actions and the actions of others
• Other people’s interests and hobbies are more important than my own
• I try to manipulate others to do things my way (although I may not be aware I am doing this)
• When I am in a relationships, my association with friends diminishes
• Fear of anger motivates me. I give more of myself to feel safe

If you can see yourself in one or more of these statements, you have codependent traits. You need to change your belief system and convince yourself you are a person of worth. You cannot count on the alcoholic/addict in your life to wake up and realize what a wonderful person you are – although we all hope for that!

Start today – make yourself a sign and post it where you will see it every day. Write something positive about yourself or an inspirational quote. If nothing else write – ‘I am a person of worth!’. Break free from the beliefs of codependency now.