Codependent Support

If you are reading the articles on this website then you are probably searching for help. Perhaps you had a run in with the alcoholic in your life. Maybe you just can’t take it anymore – the broken promises, your constant sadness and frustration, the tears that never seam to stop.

I know how you feel, I have been there. Just like you I would search the internet after he passed out. I was desperate for help. I clung to every word I read, searching for words of hope and the promise of a better day. As I read I came to realize that I needed more than the things I could find on the internet. I needed something tangible, something I could hold in my hands. Something that I could read as I spend time locked in my bedroom away from the rage.

This is what I found. Codependent No More: How to Stop Controlling Others and Start Caring for Yourself. This book is one of the most important books you can read if you are trying to overcome codependency and break free from it’s chains.

Codependent No More is written by Melodie Beattie, a woman who faced overwhelming codependency in her life. She has been there, felt so down trodden that it seemed that life wasn’t worth living. But not only did she rise above it, she made it her mission in life to help others overcome codependency.

This book helps you to identify codependent symptoms. It also helps you to see that there is hope, you can overcome. In addition to detailing symptoms and real life stories, the book has a worksheet at the end of each chapter. As you go through the worksheets you will be able to see how you are progressing toward codependency freedom.

If you or someone close to you is suffering from codependency, this book is a must have. Not only will it help you work through your codependent tendencies, it will help you to heal. It will help you to rise above and become stronger. You will learn how to stand up for you and not cower in fear any more.

This book is a must for anyone who is dealing with an alcoholic or addict in their life. Whether you are a spouse, sibling, parent or child, this book will help you help yourself so you can better help them.

Buy it now for less than $10. It is worth every penny and more!  Click here to purchase:
Codependent No More: How to Stop Controlling Others and Start Caring for Yourself

Yes, Al-Anon Family Groups definitely has on-line support groups for families of alcoholics. The on-line meetings are chat and bulletin board (list serv). There are also telephone meetings.

You might also want to listen to Al-Anon’s First Steps to Recovery podcast on the Al-Anon Family Group Headquarters,Inc.s Web site,http://al-anonfamilygroups.org/Podcasts/FirstSteps/ . The podcasts are on a variety of subjects and you will hear members talking about what happens at an Al-Anon meeting as well as on a variety of subjects.

On-line meetings are a great supplement to meetings in real time. I hope you will also consider going to a F2F meeting. It really helps to meet people face to face who understand what a family member of an alcoholic goes through. I knew I was in the right place at my very first meeting and what a relief it was for me to get help. I thought I was going crazy. Call 888-425-2666 for meeting information.

Finding happiness takes practice and choice. You choose to seek happiness each day through what you do, what you do for others, how you choose to think, how you react to others. When you find yourself making bad choices or thinking negative thoughts, you consciously choose to stop this and make a higher choice, stop the negative thoughts about yourself or others and stop reacting with bitterness of feelings of betrayal about others.

Have no expectations for others to bring you happiness. Understand that this responsibility lies solely within you. When you fully embrace this, you will seek your own joy and not wait for others to bring it to you.

Love yourself, no matter what. Unconditional love is the highest form of love you can attain. Know you are more beautiful and powerful than anyone could possibly comprehend. Find a hobby, so you can develop yourself. Be creative learn a new instrument, draw, paint, become loving and have compassion for everyone and everything including yourself.

Look into meditation. Find the silence within yourself. The space in between each thought let that expand. be in the present moment, observe everything around you, observe with all 5 senses, be present. don’ be worried about the past it’s gone and it’s now only a memory which isn’t even real, and the future is not yet know. Live right now!

Be grateful first of your life situation. Know that things could be so much worse in your life and it actually isn’t so bad being who you are. You must try to break the codependency with your boyfriend and the best part is that you realize that it is not healthy. Do the little things that make you happy.

Are you going through a tough time in your life?  Do you feel like you’re all alone with your problem?

Chances are that there are a lot of other people who are facing a similar difficulty right now, perhaps even other people in your own community.  You can find the help and support you need to get through this period, as well as find helpful advice and good friendships by joining a support group made up of other people who are struggling with the same problem that you are.

Whatever your current problem happens to be, whether you are struggling with an addiction, or perhaps someone you love is an addict, or if you are finding life hard because you have just been diagnosed with a serious illness, or if you don’t have many friends to turn to because you are socially isolated, joining a support group is a way to quickly fill your life with kind and caring people who will help you on your journey.

What is a support group?  It can be a formal or informal group of people who get together on a regular basis to share certain aspects of their lives with others and to offer each other emotional support.

Sometimes these are also called self help groups.

Perhaps the most famous of the support groups that exist today is Alcoholics Anonymous (A.A.).  This organization started in about 1935 in Akron, Ohio, when two alcoholics found that talking to each other about their drinking and following a simple program helped keep them both sober.

Since that beginning, the A.A. organization has spread throughout the world and millions of alcoholics have learned to stay sober by helping each other.

The A.A. model has been adopted by people dealing with addiction problems other than alcohol, so today there are support groups that deal with addictions to narcotics, cocaine, food, and many other substances and activities.

In addition, there are support groups that use the A.A. model to help the partners or children of addicts.  Being the spouse or child of an alcoholic or addict brings with it certain painful problems that are often best understood by other people who have lived a similar experience.

Support groups that use the A.A. framework are often called “12 Step Groups”.  That is because these groups base their founding principles and traditions on the 12 steps which were proposed by the initial founders of the first Alcoholics Anonymous groups.

One of the key principles of the support groups using the A.A. model is the tradition of secrecy.  People who attend these meetings use only their first names.  They do not publicly advertise their participation in 12 Step groups.  Everything said at these meetings is meant to be kept strictly confidential by those who attend.

It is because of this tradition of secrecy that those who attend the meetings can feel free to discuss extremely personal matters.

Not only have 12 Step groups enabled millions of people to overcome their addictions, reclaim their lives and gain peace of mind, they also foster close friendships and emotional intimacy for many of those who attend.

Not all self help or support groups are fashioned on the 12 Step A.A. model.  Many support groups today exist to help people battle specific diseases.  For example, there are support groups for people who have been diagnosed with breast cancer, diabetes, heart disease, and many less common illnesses.  Some support groups also raise money and awareness to combat specific diseases.

Support groups for people with diseases can provide a lifeline for people who are newly diagnosed with some frightening ailment.  They can provide information, help, and hope, suggest new treatments and doctors, and give the kind of emotional support that can only come from other people who truly understand what it means to face this particular problem.

Self help groups also exist for many emotional problems and social situations.

There are support groups for single parents, for widowed seniors, for teenaged mothers, and for parents of twins and triplets.  There is even a support group for people who have developed emotional problems after winning the lottery!

You can usually find information about the location and times of support group meetings by checking in a local newspaper or telephone book.

If you decide to try visiting an existing support group, it’s best to go several times before you decide whether or not it’s right for you.  Sometimes a group can have an “off” night when things don’t quite work well, and yet other meetings might be much better.

Of course it is often easier to find a support group for an obscure problem if you live in a large city rather than in a small town.  But you are not limited by geography as long as you have a computer—nowadays there are many support groups on line.

Using the Internet you can access people who are willing to talk about your problem, at any hour of the day or night, in any corner of the world.

Whatever type of problem you have, it’s quite likely that somewhere in the world there is a group of people who are already trying to deal with the same problem.

And if you can’t find the right kind of support group locally, another option for you is to  try start up a support group right where you live.  Not only will you be helping yourself, but you will also be helping others, and you’ll probably meet a lot of interesting and friendly people at the same time!


Often times, marriage can be a difficult road. While most of us don’t expect it to be perfect all the time, there are times when it is downright painful. For instance, if you’re dealing with an alcoholic or drug addicted spouse – it can be one of the hardest things you’ve ever had to deal with. This article provides some important tips for dealing with an alcoholic or drug addicted spouse.

Don’t Enable Your Spouse by Making Excuses

One of the worst things we can do is make excuses for our spouses because we don’t want to accept the real truth. You might say, ‘He’s stressed out right now and the alcohol allows him to relax and calm down.’ You might even go as far as saying, ‘She’s not hurting anyone with her drug usage, so what’s the big deal?’ The truth is that spouses do this all too often.

If you’re making excuses for your addicted spouse, stop now

The truth is that your addicted spouse probably is hurting someone – including you, them and your marriage. If you have children, it’s even worse. In fact, you could be allowing your children to live in danger. No one wants to hurt their spouse or alienate them, but enabling them could be tragic. Step back and take a hard look at the situation. Refuse to make excuses for your spouse any longer.

Get Help for Your Spouse and Yourself

The second step is to get help. Chances are, you’re not going to be able to help your spouse alone. There are many, many resources for individuals who are suffering with addictions as well as their spouses. Being around others who have overcome drug addictions or who are working on it can really help your spouse find the inspiration to get through this. You may want to convince your spouse to start a 12 step program or something similar. If you’re unable to convince your spouse to get help, force them to get help. Issue an ultimatum by saying that they volunteer to get help or you call the police, leave, etc. By issuing an ultimatum like this, you could be saving your spouse’s life.

Be Supportive

Although sometimes this kind of situation requires a lot of tough love, it’s essential for you to support your spouse at this time. Overcoming a drug or alcohol addiction is not easy at all. Without your support, your spouse could easily relapse, wonder why they should even try or become discouraged. Remind them of the great things in your life and how much you love them. This will be the fuel they need to get through this and come out the other side as a clean and sober person.

Dealing with an alcohol or drug addicted spouse is very painful and difficult. Don’t neglect yourself at this time! Find support so you can stay strong enough to help your spouse get through this. By using the tips and suggestions above, you can help your spouse overcome their addiction and restore happiness and peace to your family and marriage.

Irritable, extremely moody, out of focus, sleep deprived. Are you tired of being like this? Have you noticed the changes that your bad drinking habit had caused? If you are, then you probably have already asked this question yourself – where can I find help to stop drinking alcohol? Is there still hope for me? Is this something I can still get over with?  Can I still change? Is it possible that I become a better person in spite of being an alcoholic who can’t stop himself from drinking?

The answer to all these questions is YES.  Yes, there is still hope for someone who has a drinking problem. Admitting to oneself that there is a problem that needs to be given action is a big step. It can be really difficult to admit that there is something wrong with what you are doing, so the fact that you have admitted this to yourself and decided to look for an answer, proves that there is hope for you. That you can still change to a better person. And that you can still live an alcohol free life.

Now that you have admitted that you need help, the rest of the steps will follow. You are looking for help and many are available. One of the best help support group that you can have is your family and friends. Again, this can be quite hard because you are going to admit it to them that you need help to stop this bad habit of yours. Discussing this with family can be really awkward but it can give you the best result. Of all the people around you, your family would be very people who would love to give you help to stop drinking alcohol. If you see how concerned and supportive your family is, this can encourage you to do better and try harder to stop drinking. After all, they probably are the people who are greatly affected the most because of your drinking problem. Apart from your family, the one important figure that must support you is no other than yourself. You have to be determined and focused to reach what you wanted to reach. This is not an easy thing to do, you might even want to stop at some point but don’t. Always remind yourself that you can have a better life if you have succeeded this battle of your life.

Aside from your family, there are many other units from the community that can render help to stop drinking alcohol. There are many available rehabilitation centers that cater people with such problems. They have the best facility and personnel who can give professional help. With the people with adequate knowledge and modern methods, you will be able to stop drinking alcohol. Like what is stated in the previous paragraph, this cannot be easy. If it is hard to talk about your drinking problem to your family, it can be harder to discuss it to someone who is a complete stranger to you. But bear in mind that these strangers are professionals who can help you achieve what you wanted to achieve – to have an alcohol free life.

My sister left her husband a few months ago and has been living with me ever since. I have a 2-bedroom, 2-bathroom condo, so I had the room for her.

My sister left her husband because of his alcoholism. She tried to keep it hidden from everybody else, but after 3 years of marriage, it got too much for her. He wasn’t physically abusive towards her (I’ve seen her in her swimsuit and I’ve never noticed any marks/bruises/scars/etc on her) but she decided “enough is enough”. Since then, she’s been going through Al-Anon, which helps people who are friends/relatives/spouses of alcoholics.

My sister and I are pretty close (twins in fact) so I’m glad to help her out while she gets back on her feet. But every time I say something like “I could go for a beer right now.” she says things like, “That’s a sign of alcoholism.” Believe me, I am far from the road to alcoholism. There’s a difference between thinking the occasional beer would taste good and the absolute dependence on alcohol. Come to think of it, Susan mentions Al-Anon a lot, saying things like “That’s what they teach us” or “I’m learning this about alcohol.” In fact, she’s getting in everybody’s faces anytime anyone mentions alcohol.

I realize that Susan is going through a lot emotionally right now. What do I do or what should I say to her about alcohol? She should know that I’m not an alcoholic and she should know the difference between one who drinks to excess and one who has an occasional drink. Should I just let her speak her mind and get it out of her system? I support her decision to renounce alcohol (she says she’s never touching another drop of it for the rest of her life), but how do I get her to realize that the rest of the world isn’t going to stop for her?

 

Who is really to blame for this codependent/alcoholic relationship anyway? Of course it is the alcoholic – right? Really, if it wasn’t for the substance abuse, life would be great! Would it really? Or would you find a way to sabotage the relationship because you just aren’t ready to deal with your own emotions?

Codependents have a fear – it may be a subconscious fear, of the alcoholics recovery. Their lives are defined by the alcoholic and his behavior. If that changes – what else will change? So, unknowingly they may continue to enable the alcoholic to prevent recovery and change.

Most people who have a significant other who is in the claws of addiction or alcoholism will tell you that they will do anything to have the person find sobriety. But they are lying, even though they don’t realize it. They just don’t know how to deal with anything else but addiction. It defines the codependent as much as it does the alcoholic.

That is why it is so important for codependent people to seek out their own healing and solve their own problems. Just like the Twelve Steps can help alcoholics, they can help us overcome our codependent beliefs. Look inside yourself. What is preventing you from being more assertive, holding your ground, standing up for what you want? Is it fear of rejection, change, abandonment?

Fear itself can be a good motivator. We all have a fear of the unknown, but as we learn about it we can conquer it. Books on codependency, support groups, and counseling can help you identify the areas you need to work on to break free from codependency.

There is the hope that as you recover, your alcoholic will recover as well. It has happened, I have seen it. But I have also seen many more that have not. An alcoholic needs to make the choice to change – it cannot be made for them. Alcoholics rarely consider change until it is the only option.

You can choose to continue to enable the alcoholic in your life, or you can love them enough to let go. Allow them to experience every part of their addiction. Allow them to see the chaos they have created around them.

But for now, you can heal. You can begin a new life – free of codependency.