Occasionally, you will run across something that clicks right at that moment. It is just like someone is speaking to you, sending you a message. They are the words you need to hear – right then.

This saying is one of those things. I found it in a stack of handouts at a support group I attended. It spoke to me then, and it still does now. I hope it can help you.

God’s Answer

I asked you, God for strength that I might achieve;

I was made weak that I might learn humbly to obey.

I asked for help that I might do greater things;

I was given infirmity that I might do better things.

I asked for riches that I might be happy;

I was given poverty that I might be wise.

I asked for power that I might have the praise of others;

I was given weakness that I might feel the need for you.

I asked for all things that I might enjoy life;

I was given life that I might enjoy all things.

No God, I’ve got nothing that I’ve asked for,

but everything I had hoped for.

Despite myself, my prayers were answers,

and I am among those most richly blessed.

Look back on your life.  Yes, there have been struggles – major ones even.  Yet, would you be the person you are today if you had not experienced life the way you did?  You are a stronger person because of where you have been and what life has given you.  You have a greater understanding of the trials others are going through -whatever they may be.  Because of that, you have compassion.  Because of your trials, you can give hope to someone else.

Life is good!  You have the power for peace and happiness within you.  Allow yourself to find it.  There is hope for a brighter day!

Going to Al-Anon for the first time might seem a little strange if you don’t know what to expect. Al-Anon is not a gripe session – it is a healing session. You are not there to vent about the alcoholic you live with, you are there to begin healing. At an Al-Anon meeting you will find others that share your frustrations and trials, because they have lived them too. Maybe not your exact story, but one that is very similar.

Members of Al-Anon share their experiences and their hope. You will find members who have found happiness in spite of the alcoholism in their life – even if the loved one is still drinking. These members recognize the value of support and are there to help those who still struggle.

Al-Anon is a place for hope and healing for people struggling with codependency. You will not be judged – you will be accepted. You will not be blamed – you will be supported. You can find local meetings by searching for Al-Anon on the internet.

Like Alcoholics Anonymous, Al-Anon is based upon the Twelve Steps. Working through the Twelve Steps can help you see areas of your life that can be improved. You will also learn to separate yourself from alcohol by admitting that you are powerless over alcohol.

You are powerless over alcohol! You are not the one making the choice to drink. It is not your choice to make, the alcoholic is responsible for his or her’s own actions. You will come so far to overcoming codependency if you will admit that you are powerless over the alcoholics actions – and then really believe it!

Al-Anon is a wonderful organization that is helping millions of people all over the world. No matter where you travel, you will likely find an Al-Anon meeting you can attend. Al-Anon can and will help you overcome codependency!

Here is a small list of behaviors/beliefs that define a codependent person.  There are so many behaviors that this  list could go on and on.  But look at it – can you see yourself in any of these behaviors?

• I feel good about myself when I am with or belong to someone
• I focus my attention on pleasing others
• ‘Helping’ others fix their problems boosts my self esteem
• If someone close to me is having struggles, it affects my peace of mind
• I am aware of how those around me feel, but I don’t know how I feel
• Relieving someone’s pain boosts my self esteem
• Getting approval from others makes me feel good
• I seldom give myself approval for doing a good job
• I fear rejection and it affects what I say or do
• I believe my hopes and dreams are linked to other people in my life
• Other people’s opinions are more important than mine
• I will put my values aside to gain approval
• My happiness is directly related to the happiness of those around me
• I focus on protecting others – both from their own actions and the actions of others
• Other people’s interests and hobbies are more important than my own
• I try to manipulate others to do things my way (although I may not be aware I am doing this)
• When I am in a relationships, my association with friends diminishes
• Fear of anger motivates me. I give more of myself to feel safe

If you can see yourself in one or more of these statements, you have codependent traits. You need to change your belief system and convince yourself you are a person of worth. You cannot count on the alcoholic/addict in your life to wake up and realize what a wonderful person you are – although we all hope for that!

Start today – make yourself a sign and post it where you will see it every day. Write something positive about yourself or an inspirational quote. If nothing else write – ‘I am a person of worth!’. Break free from the beliefs of codependency now.

Many people who are codependent identify themselves with the alcoholic/addict.  They are the caretaker, the worrier, the fixer, etc.  Though they may not realize it, they could be subconsiously preventing the recovery of their loved one.  They are unknowingly preventing it out of fear.  “What will happen to me if they get better?”  “They won’t need me anymore.”

The disease of alcoholism and drug addiction is known as a family disease – because it affects everyone close to the individual.  Living with an alcoholic or addict and their erratic behaviors takes it toll on every one around. Friends, coworkers, friends, and most of all family, are all affected in some way.  If the destructive behavior of alcoholic/codependent has gone on for years, it is the relationship that they both identify with. It is a sick circle that continues round and round until someone breaks free.  Usually that someone is the codependent person.

Often the alcoholic/addict only recognizes their problem when their loved ones break free from the cycle of codependent behavior.  The relationship is different and the alcoholic/addict has to take responsiblilty for their own actions because someone is not there to pick up the pieces and make everything all right.

One of the best ways to break free from codependecy is to attend group meetings for people in similar situations.  Al-Anon is available for spouses, family members and friends of alcoholics that are in and out of recovery.  These groups can help you find yourself again and see that there can be a better tomorrow.  Al-Anon groups meet all over the world and you can visit Al-Anon online to find a meeting near you.

Breaking free from codependency takes time and effort.  Recovery won’t come all at once, but little by little as you learn how to love yourself again.  You can be free from the heartache of codependency!

Let Go

To ‘let go’ does not mean to stop caring. It means I can’t do it for someone else.

To ‘let go’ is not to cut myself off, it is the realization I can’t control another.

To ‘let go’ is not to enable, but to allow learning from natural consequences.

To ‘let go’ is to admit powerlessness, which means the outcome is not in my hands.

To ‘let go’ is not to change or blame another, it’s to make the most of myself.

To ‘let go’ is not to care for, but to care about.

To ‘let go’ is not to fix, but to be supportive.

To ‘let go’ is not to judge, but to allow another to be a human being.

To ‘let go’ is not to be in the middle arranging all the outcomes, but to allow others to affect their destinies.

To ‘let go’ is not to be protective, it’s to permit another to face reality.

To ‘let go’ is not to deny, but to accept.

To ‘let go’ is not to nag, scold or argue, but instead to search out my own shortcomings and correct them.

To ‘let go’ is not to adjust everything to my desires, but to take each day as it comes and cherish myself in it.

To ‘let go’ is not to criticize and regulate anybody, but to try to become what I dream I can be.

To ‘let go’ is not to regret the past, but to grow and live for the future.

To ‘let go’ is to fear less, and love more.

I hope this will give you hope each day.  Take each day as it comes and hold hope in your heart.  There is freedom from codependency!