Hope is all around you. You can find it in nature, in a child’s laugh, a visit with a friend. Hope is sustaining, it helps to get you through another day. Sometimes it feels like you are clinging to hope like a lifeboat, adrift in a sea of guilt and despair.

Occasionally, you will run across something that clicks right at that moment. It is just like someone is speaking to you, sending you a message. They are the words you need to hear – right then.

This saying is one of those things. I found it in a stack of handouts at a support group I attended. It spoke to me then, and it still does now. I hope it can help you.

God’s Answer

I asked you, God for strength that I might achieve;

I was made weak that I might … read more

Just like Alcoholics Anonymous has helped millions of alcoholics, Al-Anon is there for the family. The spouse who is struggling with codependency will find hope and healing at Al-Anon.

Going to Al-Anon for the first time might seem a little strange if you don’t know what to expect. Al-Anon is not a gripe session – it is a healing session. You are not there to vent about the alcoholic you live with, you are there to begin healing. At an Al-Anon meeting you will find others that share your frustrations and trials, because they have lived them too. Maybe not your exact story, but one that is very similar.

Members of Al-Anon share their experiences and their hope. You will find members who have found happiness in spite of the alcoholism in their life – even if the loved one is still drinking. These members … read more

People who are codependent have a belief system that is linked to how they relate to someone else. Usually that someone else is an alcoholic or drug addict.  Codependents identify their life and well being to how things are going for the alcoholic.  They believe that what they are doing is what is best.  But doing what they think is best for the alcoholic/addict, could destroy themselves.

Here is a small list of behaviors/beliefs that define a codependent person.  There are so many behaviors that this  list could go on and on.  But look at it – can you see yourself in any of these behaviors?

• I feel good about myself when I am with or belong to someone
• I focus my attention on pleasing others
• ‘Helping’ others fix their problems boosts my self esteem
• If someone close to me is having struggles, it affects my peace of mind
• I am aware of how those around … read more

This is a tough question – Do you fear the recovery of your addict?  Of course you want the alcoholic/addict in your life to get better.  Life would be better if they were in recovery – right? But wait, how does recover affect me? Who will I take care of? How will their recovery change my identity? Think hard and answer the question again – do you fear the recovery of your addict?

Many people who are codependent identify themselves with the alcoholic/addict.  They are the caretaker, the worrier, the fixer, etc.  Though they may not realize it, they could be subconsiously preventing the recovery of their loved one.  They are unknowingly preventing it out of fear.  “What will happen to me if they get better?”  “They won’t need me anymore.”

The disease of alcoholism and drug addiction is known as a family disease – because it affects everyone close to the … read more

I found this handout at a codependency group meeting I went to.  It has helped me so much that I want to share it.  Use it and believe it – it will help you!

Let Go

To ‘let go’ does not mean to stop caring. It means I can’t do it for someone else.

To ‘let go’ is not to cut myself off, it is the realization I can’t control another.

To ‘let go’ is not to enable, but to allow learning from natural consequences.

To ‘let go’ is to admit powerlessness, which means the outcome is not in my hands.

To ‘let go’ is not to change or blame another, it’s to make the most of myself.

To ‘let go’ is not to care for, but to care about.

To ‘let go’ is not to fix, but to be supportive.

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