Husband’s Guide To Codependency.
A Guide For Partners Of Codependents.
Husband’s Guide To Codependency.

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Symptoms of a Wounded Spirit

The relationship within our ‘self’ of body, mind and emotions shapes our ability to relate to other people, and to the spiritual power in the universe.

Depression, addictions, compulsive behaviour and low self-esteem are but symptoms, signs of a broken relationship within our ‘self’. They are symptoms of a ‘wounded spirituality’.

When this connection between our body, mind and emotions is broken, our ability, our ‘response-ability’, to respond healthily to life’s circumstances is limited.

In recovery our task is to identify and undo the broken parts of ourselves and learn to respond positively and creatively – to say YES to life in a way which enables serenity to grow and be maintained.

Some of these symptoms are;

• Alcoholism / drug addiction / compulsive gambling

• Eating disorders (overeating, bulimia, anorexia)

• … read more

Signs of Codependency

Codependency usually comes about as your response to another person’s chemical dependency. It revolves around your relationships with the people in your life. It involves the effects these people have on you. You, in turn, then try to affect them and their behaviors. As you begin to see them spiraling out of control, you end up trying to control their behavior.

The soul of codependency lays in you, though, not the other person. It is a silent war you begin within yourself. Usually it develops from low self-esteem. The codependent person does not feel worthy. It is a dysfunctional relationship with the self. Because you live a dysfunctional relationship internally it manifests externally to others. You don’t love yourself and you don’t trust yourself either. You tend to be out of balance and out of harmony. You may feel disconnected. You tend to live life in a reactor … read more

Question by MomOf2: Suggestions from recovery alcoholics and spouses of alcoholics?
My husband is a recovering alcoholic of alomst 6 months now. \he’s not the type of alcoholic to drink everyday, he’s a benge drinker. This is the first time that he has been sober this long. Last summer I left him the last time he did it and he moved out of state and I stayed here with our daughter and eventually moved on. As time went by he begged me and begged me to come back to him but I just couldn’t. I didn’t want to live my life like that. Eventually about 6-7 months later he decided to come back here and see our daughter and talked me into bing with him. The last 6 months has been amazing and he is a totally changed person just these past 6 months. He’s never been like this and … read more

Here is a short video that can help you decide if you are codependent or not. Watch it carefully and see if these factors are present in your relationship.

Who is really to blame for this codependent/alcoholic relationship anyway? Of course it is the alcoholic – right? Really, if it wasn’t for the substance abuse, life would be great! Would it really? Or would you find a way to sabotage the relationship because you just aren’t ready to deal with your own emotions?

Codependents have a fear – it may be a subconscious fear, of the alcoholics recovery. Their lives are defined by the alcoholic and his behavior. If that changes – what else will change? So, unknowingly they may continue to enable the alcoholic to prevent recovery and change.

Most people who have a significant other who is in the claws of addiction or alcoholism will tell you that they will do anything to have the person find sobriety. But they are lying, even though they don’t realize it. They just don’t know how to … read more

Hope is all around you. You can find it in nature, in a child’s laugh, a visit with a friend. Hope is sustaining, it helps to get you through another day. Sometimes it feels like you are clinging to hope like a lifeboat, adrift in a sea of guilt and despair.

Occasionally, you will run across something that clicks right at that moment. It is just like someone is speaking to you, sending you a message. They are the words you need to hear – right then.

This saying is one of those things. I found it in a stack of handouts at a support group I attended. It spoke to me then, and it still does now. I hope it can help you.

God’s Answer

I asked you, God for strength that I might achieve;

I was made weak that I might … read more

Family members think they are doing the right thing when they play the roles in an alcoholic family. They cannot see that what the are really doing is enabling the alcoholic to continue with his current behavior. So, while the family thinks they are helping, they are really hurting the situation.

As I stated in my previous post, family members revolve around the alcoholic, tending to every need.  Never really giving a thought to their own needs or even realizing that this way of life is not normal.  Some of the behaviors that the family has learned are:

• Watch what you say. Your words can either trigger an angry rage, or come back at you when the alcoholic is drunk. It is easier to stick to very simple communication.
• Clean up. Take care of the messes the alcoholic might make. After all, someone might show up at … read more