Alcoholic Families – Part 1

Alcoholism has been called the ‘Family Disease’ because it  affects everyone in the family to some extent.  In many families, all the members have become enablers. By refusing to admit there is a problem in their family, they are all allowing the destructive behavior to continue.

Families of alcoholics are always on guard because they never know what the drinkers behavior will be from one moment to the next. Children do not invite friends over, spouses make excuses for not attending social functions, etc.

Perhaps a scenario like this has played out in your home:

• It is one of the kids birthdays and you are having a family dinner. You are on edge because family functions are a trigger for alcohol abuse and none of your guests are aware of the problem. Your kids are are acting silly – partly because of the excitement of the party, and partly to release anxiety about other people seeing dad drunk. About 5 minutes before the guests arrive, one of the kids says something innocent that upsets your spouse. You try to calm them down, but in doing so you tell your spouse that the comment wasn’t worth getting upset about. Wrong thing to say, now your spouse accuses you of not supporting him and always siding with the kids. He threatens to leave and not attend the party unless you take your words back.

What would you do? On one hand – you really should stand your ground. After all, it was a silly thing to get upset about. But on the other hand, if he leaves how will you explain his absence to your guests. What will people think, what rumors will start if he isn’t there?

A codependent family would rally around to make it better and give the alcoholic what he wants – just to keep the peace. The party would go on as planned, but there is an underlying tension that no one can quite figure out.

A family who has overcome codependent behaviors would have let the alcoholic leave. This is how he chose to react and who is he really hurting? Himself – he is missing out on a family experience because he chose to be selfish. You do not have to make excuses for him to your guests. Let it go.

Life is to important to get worked up about addiction drama – find happiness with your family with or without the alcoholic.