Who is really to blame for this codependent/alcoholic relationship anyway? Of course it is the alcoholic – right? Really, if it wasn’t for the substance abuse, life would be great! Would it really? Or would you find a way to sabotage the relationship because you just aren’t ready to deal with your own emotions?

Codependents have a fear – it may be a subconscious fear, of the alcoholics recovery. Their lives are defined by the alcoholic and his behavior. If that changes – what else will change? So, unknowingly they may continue to enable the alcoholic to prevent recovery and change.

Most people who have a significant other who is in the claws of addiction or alcoholism will tell you that they will do anything to have the person find sobriety. But they are lying, even though they don’t realize it. They just don’t know how to … read more

Are you a victim? After all you do for your significant other, and how dare they treat you this way.  They just wad up your heart and toss it out with yesterday’s news.  Yes, you are the ultimate victim and it is all the alcoholic’s fault – right?

You are used and abused, unappreciated and bullied, emotionally destroyed. You have people who you can complain to who agree that you are a victim. They agree that your spouse is an awful person and that you are a saint to put up with it all.

But, could it be that you are unaware that you are playing the part of the victim because that is how you identify yourself. It is important that someone validates how we feel, so we are drawn to people who will agree with our view of being a victim.

One of the first steps to overcoming Codependency … read more

Hope is all around you. You can find it in nature, in a child’s laugh, a visit with a friend. Hope is sustaining, it helps to get you through another day. Sometimes it feels like you are clinging to hope like a lifeboat, adrift in a sea of guilt and despair.

Occasionally, you will run across something that clicks right at that moment. It is just like someone is speaking to you, sending you a message. They are the words you need to hear – right then.

This saying is one of those things. I found it in a stack of handouts at a support group I attended. It spoke to me then, and it still does now. I hope it can help you.

God’s Answer

I asked you, God for strength that I might achieve;

I was made weak that I might … read more

Living with an alcoholic is frustrating. You can feel very alone and abandoned.  Where can you turn? You need somewhere to go where you will be understood – where others have felt your pain.  Al-Anon is that place.

Members of Al-Anon have or are currently living the life you are.  They understand the fear, shame, and anxiety you feel.  They have been through all the stages – the fear, guilt, anger, etc.  They too have felt like a victim.

But Al-Anon offers comfort to those who come to the meetings.  By working the 12 steps you will learn to look within yourself to find healing.  Learn to overcome your codependent beliefs and learn to love yourself.

Just like in Alcoholics Anonymous, you will get a sponsor.  Someone you can call anytime you find yourself needing someone to talk to.  Al-Anon is people helping people at it’s finest.  Once you learn to overcome using … read more

Family members think they are doing the right thing when they play the roles in an alcoholic family. They cannot see that what the are really doing is enabling the alcoholic to continue with his current behavior. So, while the family thinks they are helping, they are really hurting the situation.

As I stated in my previous post, family members revolve around the alcoholic, tending to every need.  Never really giving a thought to their own needs or even realizing that this way of life is not normal.  Some of the behaviors that the family has learned are:

• Watch what you say. Your words can either trigger an angry rage, or come back at you when the alcoholic is drunk. It is easier to stick to very simple communication.
• Clean up. Take care of the messes the alcoholic might make. After all, someone might show up at … read more

Alcoholic families have interesting dynamics – everyone has a role. Just like parts in a play, they act out their roles and revolve around the central character like he is the most important being on the earth. No wonder the alcoholic treats everyone like his personal servants – that is what they have become.

Here are some roles that you will find in a alcoholic family. Do they sound familiar?

• The caretaker: This is usually played by an adult in the family. They make sure everything is taken care of. The bills are paid, the shopping is done, the house is clean, etc. The caretaker is so busy taking care of everthing and everyone else that he/she has no time for his/her own needs.
• The scapegoat: This is the person who seems to get the blame for everything. If the alcoholic trips over something, it is because … read more