Alcoholism has been called the ‘Family Disease’ because it  affects everyone in the family to some extent.  In many families, all the members have become enablers. By refusing to admit there is a problem in their family, they are all allowing the destructive behavior to continue.

Families of alcoholics are always on guard because they never know what the drinkers behavior will be from one moment to the next. Children do not invite friends over, spouses make excuses for not attending social functions, etc.

Perhaps a scenario like this has played out in your home:

• It is one of the kids birthdays and you are having a family dinner. You are on edge because family functions are a trigger for alcohol abuse and none of your guests are aware of the problem. Your kids are are acting silly – partly because of the excitement of the party, and partly to … read more

Just like Alcoholics Anonymous has helped millions of alcoholics, Al-Anon is there for the family. The spouse who is struggling with codependency will find hope and healing at Al-Anon.

Going to Al-Anon for the first time might seem a little strange if you don’t know what to expect. Al-Anon is not a gripe session – it is a healing session. You are not there to vent about the alcoholic you live with, you are there to begin healing. At an Al-Anon meeting you will find others that share your frustrations and trials, because they have lived them too. Maybe not your exact story, but one that is very similar.

Members of Al-Anon share their experiences and their hope. You will find members who have found happiness in spite of the alcoholism in their life – even if the loved one is still drinking. These members … read more

People who are codependent have a belief system that is linked to how they relate to someone else. Usually that someone else is an alcoholic or drug addict.  Codependents identify their life and well being to how things are going for the alcoholic.  They believe that what they are doing is what is best.  But doing what they think is best for the alcoholic/addict, could destroy themselves.

Here is a small list of behaviors/beliefs that define a codependent person.  There are so many behaviors that this  list could go on and on.  But look at it – can you see yourself in any of these behaviors?

• I feel good about myself when I am with or belong to someone
• I focus my attention on pleasing others
• ‘Helping’ others fix their problems boosts my self esteem
• If someone close to me is having struggles, it affects my peace of mind
• I am aware of how those around … read more

This is a tough question – Do you fear the recovery of your addict?  Of course you want the alcoholic/addict in your life to get better.  Life would be better if they were in recovery – right? But wait, how does recover affect me? Who will I take care of? How will their recovery change my identity? Think hard and answer the question again – do you fear the recovery of your addict?

Many people who are codependent identify themselves with the alcoholic/addict.  They are the caretaker, the worrier, the fixer, etc.  Though they may not realize it, they could be subconsiously preventing the recovery of their loved one.  They are unknowingly preventing it out of fear.  “What will happen to me if they get better?”  “They won’t need me anymore.”

The disease of alcoholism and drug addiction is known as a family disease – because it affects everyone close to the … read more

I found this handout at a codependency group meeting I went to.  It has helped me so much that I want to share it.  Use it and believe it – it will help you!

Let Go

To ‘let go’ does not mean to stop caring. It means I can’t do it for someone else.

To ‘let go’ is not to cut myself off, it is the realization I can’t control another.

To ‘let go’ is not to enable, but to allow learning from natural consequences.

To ‘let go’ is to admit powerlessness, which means the outcome is not in my hands.

To ‘let go’ is not to change or blame another, it’s to make the most of myself.

To ‘let go’ is not to care for, but to care about.

To ‘let go’ is not to fix, but to be supportive.

read more

What is it with guilt? I feel guilt about EVERYTHING! My daughter’s date is late, I feel guilt. WHY? I wasn’t driving him! Yet, I still feel guilt. I don’t understand why I feel guilty about everything – why someone is sad, when the local sports team loses, when my husband has a bad day. The list could go on and on. The point is – I am NOT GUILTY for any of this! Now I just need to convince myself.

We have all experienced guilt at some time in our lives. And face it, guilt can be a great motivator! We feel guilty we made a huge mess so we hurry to clean it up. We feel guilt for leaving the kids home with a sitter so we bring home ice cream and a DVD to watch with them.

But, when your life is consumed … read more

Did you know that at least one fourth of the population is in a family that is affected by addiction? Not just a relative who is an alcoholic/addict, but a first-degree relative! Close to 90% of all actively addicted persons live with their family or a significant other. That family or significant other is you, me and everyone else affected by addiction and who struggles with codependency.

Ask yourself, am I codependent? You look at yourself and you think ‘no, I am a loving, caring individual who is trying to help the addict in my life.’ This is true, you are a loving, caring individual. And you ARE trying to help the alcoholic/addict overcome their addictions. But, are you caring about you? Are you loving and caring toward the person who needs it the most – yourself?

Here are some characteristics of Codependent behavior. Can you … read more

Codependency is a term that we seem to hear a lot, but what does it really mean? If a person is codependent are they a bad person? Are they crazy? Just what is Codependency?
The dictionary definition is:

co-de•pen•dent or co•de•pen•dent (kō’dĭ-pěn’dənt)
adj.
1. Mutually dependent.
2. Of or relating to a relationship in which one person is psychologically dependent in an unhealthy way on someone who is addicted to a drug or self-destructive behavior, such as chronic gambling.
n. One who is co-dependent or in a co-dependent relationship.
co’de•pen’dence, co’de•pen’den•cy n.

Hmm – I am not sure that definition describes me. Why would I be in an unhealthy relationship? Don’t I deserve better than that? The truth is, many people – both men and women are in unhealthy relationships. They just can’t see it or won’t admit it. I know this – I have been in a … read more